![]() Be mindful of what you’re unintentionally asking or expecting by asking yourself a few questions: How are YOU feeling? Are you looking for ways to talk about everything going on? Are you trying to meet your own emotional or psychological needs (support, guilt, a shoulder to cry on, someone to grieve with, etc.)? Are you truly prepared to offer support if someone asks for it? While your feelings, uncertainty, and grief are all valid, how you act on these feelings and place a burden on someone else can be unjustified. It’s crucial that you don’t center yourself in a conversation that isn’t about you. Before picking up the phone, take a moment to think about where you are emotionally. The point is not to feel better about yourself-and frankly, there’s a good chance you might walk away feeling worse about the state of things. So, before you send that text, shoot that Instagram DM, or release a carrier pigeon with an ornately written dispatch for your friend, here a few questions to consider:Īre you prepared to provide real support?Ĭhecking in is about ensuring someone’s well being or providing support. But if your friend is anything like me, they’re probably processing a lot right now. After all, it seems like the right thing to do, and sometimes it is. Many of you may have good intentions and mean well. Actually they never were.įor a lot of non-Black people, now feels like a crucial time to reach out to Black friends and loved ones who are grappling with the weight of the moment. Sure, the intentions are good, but in a moment like this, intentions aren’t enough. Is it going to be another announcement about a Black death? A new state-enforced curfew? Or another message asking me to excavate my pain and discomfort, morph it into something digestible, and slap a “lol” at the end so things don’t get too real too quick for whomever’s on the receiving end? I’m not the only Black person experiencing an influx of these kinds of messages. Each time my phone chirps, as it seems to every other minute, I brace myself. How are you? It’s a seemingly simple question, but, for me, it’s become increasingly fraught.
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